AUTHOR: The Grimace DATE: 7:01:00 PM ----- BODY:
A grumpy Hamilton County police officer showed up at my parents' house today to serve them each with a Civil Stalking Protection Order (a restraining order) to keep them both away from Mike Lacey! Now they're going to have to go to court and explain that they're the ones who need a protection order filed against him! Following is an excerpt from the order filed against my mother. Please forgive the grammatical issues- apparently the person who typed up the order was just as illiterate as Mike is.
Petitioner states that Respondent has engaged in the following act(s) which create an immediate and present danger. [My mom] relentlessly continues to contact petitioners residence by home phone and cell phone to harass him due to the reconciliation of his relationship with girlfriend [Amanda], [My mom's] adult, daughter. [Amanda] is not a resident at [Mike's address] which does not entitle [my mom] to make calls to the petitioners home. [My mom] has obtained a pass key to the Petitioner home and has entered without permission to take Petitioners personal effects. Records have been placed with Cheviot police department. [My mom] calls the petitioner at all hours of the day to insult, uses profanity and threaten physical harm to the petitioner. On December 26 in front of the petitioner's home, [My parents] stated they would run petitioner over with their automobile. Cheviot police was contacted to escort [my parents] from the premises. [My mom] also states she will have her two sons physically attack petitioner if petitioner continue to agree to see daughter [Amanda].
What on earth does Mike expect to gain by filing such a completely false report against my parents? The following facts contradict Mike's signed statement:
  1. My mom never relentlessly called anyone, especially not Mike. We have known for weeks that there's no point in talking to the sick bastard, so we've had little reason to talk to him at all. I was there this week when my mother called Mike to tell him she was on to him. And she never threatened him in any way- but she did cuss at him a bit, that's true. Heh.
  2. My sister was indeed a resident of that address and had lived with Mike the past few years until she fled the premises for her life! Some of her possessions still remained in his apartment, and those were the things my mom was trying to get back. No one was ever interested in any of Mike's belongings, even if most of them were things he had mooched off my family anyway.
  3. "Obtained a pass key to petitioner's home?" My sister LIVED there, she had a key!!!
  4. Unlike Mike, my mother actually sleeps at night. Mike's the one who woke my sister up by calling her at 4:00 in the morning when she was visiting me last summer, and who woke my dad up when he was abroad on a business trip. Phone records should prove this out. I'm sure he can provide them! (Oh, and the days he stole my sister's and mother's cell phones don't count! Who knows what he did with those phones then!)
  5. No one in my family has ever threatened physical harm against Mike, vehicular or otherwise.
  6. On the night of the 26th, my parents were the ones who contacted the Cheviot police! They had to call the cops because Mike wouldn't relinquish my mother's cell phone! Again, this can be easily proven by the Cheviot police (who are big fans of Mike, by the way- they just love those narcissistic woman-beater types). Also, the police didn't escort my parents from the premises- they ordered Mike to go back into his apartment!
  7. Finally, my mother never threatened to sic me and Chris on him. As much as we hate Michael Lacey, we would only inflict physical harm on him if he presented a clear and present danger to any member of our family and we were there to do something about it. Neither of us were there when he brutalized our sister, and we haven't touched him yet. We're just hoping the legal system will work and punish him if he gives us any more problems.
I know that nothing's going to come of Mike's legal actions. If anything, he'll get charged with filing false police reports. It's just so damned annoying. Mike is like a retarded chihuahua nipping at my family's heels. We've just got to keep our cool and bide our time until the dog catcher comes to scoop his ass up!
-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Lezlie COMMENT-DATE:1:47 PM COMMENT-BODY:I like the image of the dog cather scooping up his ass. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Jill COMMENT-DATE:10:55 PM COMMENT-BODY:Ahh, the image of a retarded chihuahua is great. And you can spell too! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Josh COMMENT-DATE:7:27 AM COMMENT-BODY:You have just read the most eclectic (read: disorganized) blog on the 'net. My apologies!

I never finished the Mike saga, but I guess I ought to, just for posterity's sake. You may see an update if you ever return. --------